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Deviant for 3 Years
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Mottled bridges lunge between estates
married to nuclear two-up two-down lodges;
aesthetic refined to favour function.

Sweatpants dry stale on these smoker balconies;
weeds imitating flowers posturing weakly
as tower blocks, doily-curtained and gawking, fidget
aware of their incongruity.

The gypsies leave horses,  
with mottled coats and shoeless hooves
they graze, matted necks naked on the grass.
Come afternoon, they are petted
by school-children drunk on freedom,
their ties yanked loose
and homework lost.

Tins and plastic supplement bird-food,
our cold, modern algae dead on the lake.
The mirrored high-rise grey jetties jut
tensely grasping fingers for the far-off shore
where no bridges rudely alight;
where the water glows chameleon green;

(and below, in the water, can be seen –
a crumpled Heineken, embraced
by crayon orange, torn edged leaves;
how queer! how intimate!)

The faithful lake assimilates muddying sky;
she burps lichen, hoards algae
to feed her stray, rumpled swans; the wanderers
who thought the greening rust, from a distance
was lusher than their grass.
He whispers to me,
late, drunk on gin and good intent
he whispers to me,
and I am too fucked to care
that this is all we can ever be.

He surprises me
when my mornings dawn
and I find his temporary presence
his impossibility
still at my side
naked in sleep;

my declawed, vulnerable fingertips
nervily biting at my palms,
my lower lip left for him.

I take solace in my own absence,
self-duped, self-doped;
this love-Purgatory self-imposed
as I wait
for a fresh-scrubbed Heaven,
lush with chemical, amnesiac green.
Muffled, sweaty bed with our naked toes aching
from the windowless cold seeping in.

He dreamt of me
and I lost the dream of you,
that same night.

Legs hang into the brittle air,
my yellowed fingers luminous
in the morning light.
Rumpled bedroom dark behind me,
half inhabited as I swing my legs
into the hollow garden,
my smoke drifting from the ledge.

I am sobering; dreamt it away
steady-footed in the morning after.
I have come down
to make my coffee, read my books –
the escapist safety of stranger’s dreams.

My toes tinge blue, winter is coming
the sodden days of summer mere memory
and I wish that emotion
was as reliable as the seasons, as London rain.
The insidious ‘us’ that creeps unbidden
in ghoul artefacts long buried.
I had forgotten
until the woods brought it
then a gold tooth uncovered.

Singular selectivity –
I chose what to remember
and catalogued no plurals with them,
allowed no shared history.

Like future, the past was unwritten
the arsenic chalk rubbed clear,
until our estranged pronouns united

their buried residue gagging me,
with power in the mnemonic golden glint
in fresh, womanly shrubs
in details provocative of barred antiquity

I am still weak to them,
for I cannot choose

when they release their triggers
with pain-shaken fingers,
and years later, I am blown away.
She is a petulant drunk;
I remember that wine-righteousness –
that she prefers to the spirit blur
(I would have died for gin on the rocks,
before the wedding, or during
or after).

She was sober when she married him,
but their reception compensated finely
and here they are.
Twenty years
and many mini-cabs later.

She has emphysema,
and chose twenty deprived years
over five choking for air.
I smoke often before her,
she drinks rarely before me.
Yet we are more similar than I’d please.

She is an honest drunk,
and swears more than her sober self believes.
Her mind is tidy, contained tightly
she shakes when things or people break.
as hell.


chesscakes's Profile Picture
Artist | Student | Literature
United Kingdom
"My thoughts are messy, my emotions are messy, my body goes in and out at will. The raised white scars on my arms and legs are the only aspect of my being that comes close to minimalism. They came from chaos, but it is hard to carve frustration and unease into the flesh. Only straight lines." - Emma Forrest. This is why I write.

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MrFabulousFox Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014  Student General Artist
Sargeant-Knoxx Featured By Owner May 9, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Incredible literature. :D Love it!
rainylainy Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2013
Love all your work. New to this so hopefully will have the time to put up my short stories in time. If you have a moment listen to world at large by modest mouse. Poetry in music. I feel by your writing you may like this song, if not already heard it :) Keep writing x
0hgravity Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you for the fav ^^
chesscakes Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2013  Student Writer
No problem, loved your work. x
0hgravity Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
^^; glad you did.
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013   Writer
I just wanted to say that Thin Skin was the book I turned to with every error in my life, every new scar and heartbreak, every mistake I made. I have loved the lines from your deviantID for as long as I can remember. I haven't actually met anyone else who knows about Emma Forrest so I was both shocked and delighted to see her up there. Also, congrats on your DD-- it was lovely. :)
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